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Is your diet ruining your marriage?

Rick was biting his fingernails while waiting in the block-long Starbucks cue. It wasn’t until he was finally seated and gulping his double espresso latte, licking the cruller icing off his trembling fingers and gazing out the window that he could again wonder: how can I fix my marriage?

Instead of seeking another traditional couples counselor, he may just need to tilt his head down 90 degrees.

Rick’s answer may just lie in that 12-ounce dose of caffeine and an oversized lump of sugar-coated lard. Why might he be starting his day with 1,000 blood pressure-elevating, diabetes-generating inflammatory calories?

Maybe he needs a jolt of energy to battle the blues before work. Maybe he and his wife Melinda’s shouting match damaged his hearing last night. Maybe the two of them haven’t spoken at all in three days. Or maybe they’re talking, but more like roommates than lovers, or daring adventurers in family-hood. Either way, he’ll just keep craving more quick-fix sugar, no matter how many calories he consumes. Why? Because his body will be breaking down that refined sugar at lightning speed, causing insulin and blood sugar levels to skyrocket.

As Rick rushes through his day he may realize the lunch hour has come and gone, but he’s late to a client presentation, so he grabs a drive-thru bundle of cholesterol, carbs, and preservatives. By the time he comes home to Melinda, the sugar high will be long gone and his digestive track may be reeling, begging for robust protein, nutrients, and antioxidants.

How is your diet ruining your marriage?

Rick’s hunger may turn him into a cranky, compassionless curmudgeon right at the moment when he needs to turn relations around with some rational communication. Instead, in this state of mind, he’s likely to explode at the slightest annoyance and pick up where he and Melinda left off the night before. And if neither of them has had a nutritious, balanced meal in 24 hours they may very likely be too exhausted to fight it out. They may just order a pizza and scarf it down with a few beers and sitcoms, then go to bed hurt, angry and disconnected. Again.

How can they rescue their relationship?

First of all, skip the TV, get more sleep and wake up early enough to have a real breakfast. Together. Dump the crueler in the garden for the birds, grab an egg white-veggie (the greenest veggie you can enjoy) and sit down together to eat eye-to-eye, ear-to- ear. By no means does this mean you have to speak. Just listen to each other chew and breathe for a while. Hear the wind against the broken window. Watch last night’s SNL monologue. Chew slowly, and with each bite become more comfortable with each other’s presence. Slowly, gradually you can boost your immune system, alter your mood, notice the sun. If you can sit together every morning for a week listening to endorphin-releasing music or comedy while eating patience-generating nutrients, who can gradually begin to reroute the neurotransmitter highways in your brain, and silently, gingerly begin to reconnect.

Have you ever reconnected with your spouse over a meal? Did it work? I’m squirming with curiosity;)

Thanks for sharing your stories – they help me rescue relationships all over the world!

Cheers – to less talk and more love!
Phil

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Bed Love and Beyond: How to Curb Your Anger in Love & Life

From Anger to Rage, the Effects are Felt Across Your Relationships & Heath. Keep reading to discover how to curb your anger in love & life.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not so easy” – Aristotle, 384 B.C.

It’s hard to curb your anger when you just want to blurt out your feelings to someone as soon as they cross you. But that rage not only is bad for the relationship but bad for your health. Join us as Philip DeLuca explains how to “not speak” in order to get our point across to one another. Also, he goes through the minutiae of what our body goes through when we have these explosive outbursts and how these moments can have negative health effects on us.

Bed Love and Beyond: How to Curb Your Anger in Love & Life

Listen to the full interview here.

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Relationship Rescue

Are chronic arguments destroying your relationship? Is your health suffering from all the stress and conflict? Is your partner uncooperative? Does he or she refuse to attend therapy? Can you see the end of your relationship on the horizon if things don’t change? Relationship rescue is possible.

My Untalk therapeutic approach specializes in resolving arguments and restoring communication between partners before they get to what I call The Dead Zone — that place where there is no caring left. I offer a unique approach that has rescued many relationships in spite of chronic argument an inability to communicate and having failed with other approaches.

offer a unique skill-set that can rescue your relationship after it appears to have reached the point of no love, or very little love, left.

One partner’s willingness to try can be enough

Conventional couples counseling requires the cooperation of both parties. My revolutionary new communication model, UnTalk Therapy™ many times only requires the cooperation of one party to open up communication and resolve conflict.

If you are both willing to work on your problems, or you are the only one willing to initiate changes in your relationship, please consider giving my unique UnTalk Therapy™ a try. It has saved thousands of relationships over the years. Additionally, my strategies for creating a healthy and meaningful life will give your relationship the chance it needs to get back to where you once were.

You can learn to stop fighting and start communicating again!

Rescue your relationship, rescue your health

Stress, especially chronic stress, causes inflammation in the body. If you and your partner are fighting, or if you feel alone and unloved, your health will suffer.

A defining moment for me was the deterioration of my health before I discovered the principles behind Untalk therapy. Once I applied what the latest science was saying about the most effective way to communicate, I healed my relationship and my health improved.

My Relationship Rescue program is designed to work with you one-on-one. Together we will take steps to enable your reunion with your loved one. I am here to help you save your relationship and change your life.

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about how to restore your love, or how individual counseling can help you. Call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Learn more

My book The Solo Partner: Repairing your Relationship on Your Own is based on my own experience and successful methods I have used for years as a marriage counselor in clinical practice. Click here to learn more about my practice and my methods.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Bearded Black Cowboy: Restore Your Love & Family

Philip DeLuca. (LCSW). You have heard of Dr. Phil. Well, Deluca is known as Dr. Un. That is because he is the Un-TalkTM Therapist and Un-TherapyTM is what he does: he teaches people how to stop talking in order to communicate better, restore love, heal their relationship(s) and their health!

Phil DeLuca explains his approach on the Bearded Black Cowboy podcast.

I have developed a new approach to communication. It is both an expose on how current communication approaches are left over from the 60’s, are not supported by current science and generate more rather than less conflict. Not only do I show, clearly and simply, why the current “Express Yourself” communication approaches are relationship suicide, I show why they lead to health problems. I also provide an alternative solution that is easy to grasp, simple to implement, and brings immediate improvement to a person’s relationship and health.

Listen to the full interview here:

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca, MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about how to restore your love, or how individual counseling can help you. Call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Stretch yourself: self-growth through your relationship

In this podcast with Ron Broussard of STRETCHYOURSELF, Phil DeLuca explains current science relating to the body and mind and exposes the failings of conventional communication approaches. He provides an alternative approach to conflict resolution that is easy to understand, quick to implement and brings immediate improvement.

Listen to learn about:

• what healthy communication looks like and how it makes you feel
• how angry blow-ups are incited by your brain chemistry
• how your health is directly related to the health of your relationship
• how to create more healthy, sustaining relationships

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Stop Your Fighting Tonight! 📽 Video Course

FREE webinar from expert marriage therapist, Phil DeLuca, MSW, LCSW

This 6-video series presents evidence-based techniques you can use TODAY to stop a fight in its tracks and fix your relationship – without the need for a full round of couples therapy.

Fall back in love. Prevent divorce. Learn how to stop fighting today.

Phil DeLuca, MSW, LCSW uses evidenced-based science to help couples tune into love, stop arguing, and save their relationship.  Expert marriage therapist, author, trainer, speaker, and presenter Phil DeLuca has developed a conflict resolution model for couples that frequently works where current communication models fail. With 30 years of experience providing couples therapy in North Carolina, he helps couples all over the United States.

If you have tried everything to save your marriage and failed, reach out for help. Want to save your relationship or fix your marriage but can’t fit couples counseling into your schedule? Online marriage therapy is available to help you stop fighting all the time and turn the arguing in your relationship back into harmony. Click here to make an appointment.

Start watching now:

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Description

Stop arguing now. Fall back in love. Prevent your divorce. Join our 5-video series with marriage therapist, Phil DeLuca, and revive your relationship. Learn about alternatives to traditional marriage therapy and couples counseling. You can make a difference together. Can you improve your relationship if your partner is not interested? Sure!

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Debunking traditional approaches with the heartrepreneur

When conventional advice is ruining your relationship, this new technique is your path to personal peace. Try Phil’s method if the following tactics haven’t worked for your relationship:

• Express yourself
• Get in touch with your anger
• Always be honest and open about what you’re feeling and thinking
• Never go to bed mad at each other.

Listen to the heartrepreneur podcast here:

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

What does it take to have a long-lasting relationship?

Our relationships affect our physical health. Be brave enough to treat yourself and your partner well.

Phil DeLuca was interviewed by Daa’iyah Cixx on Healthy RELATIONSHIP Talk Radio.

Click here to watch the video.

Untalk Couples therapy in Matthews

Philip DeLuca MSW, LCSW is a couples counselor and relationship expert in Matthews, North Carolina.

To talk to Phil about your relationship, or individual counseling, call today, or fill out the contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

Communication Clichés

Does “Talk through your problems” sound familiar? How about “Never go to bed mad at each other or you are running from the problem” or “Express your anger; repressed anger kills”?

Chances are you have answered yes and even use them in your relationships. However, there is one problem with these communications clichés: they are 60 years dated, have never been supported by science, and they don’t work!!! Even worse, they increase arguments! In fact, chronic use of them to resolve relationship conflict and communication will lead to diseased relationships as well as diseased bodies from all the stress they generate. At least, that is what the latest mind-body science is telling us.

That same science is telling us that if you want to communicate more effectively and resolve conflict, then you need to stop talking in order to communicate! Say what?? Yes, the latest science on how our minds work and the changes that occur to our bodies and brains when we get upset makes it very clear that the worse thing a person and couple can do is “talk it through” when they are upset.

I describe what the latest science has to say about resolving argument in my free webinar “Stop Your Fighting Tonight!” It can be seen here.

My “Five Steps Back To Love” communication approach integrates the latest mind-body science into an alternative communication approach that frequently works where current approaches fail. No more arguing in counseling sessions just like you do at home. If you are interested in a 21st-century approach to conflict resolution, please feel free to schedule an initial assessment by calling or filling out the contact form and pressing Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence

How to Break the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern

Are you feeling distanced from your partner?  Your relationship can get better. Contact Phil DeLuca today.

Is your partner pulling away?

The pursuer-distancer pattern is one of the most common causes of divorce and separation. Most often it happens with the wife seeking a closer connection from a withdrawing husband. But not always, it can happen the other way too.

In my practice, it is common for me to see couples that have found themselves in an ongoing cycle. One of the partners is pursuing or demanding attention and affection while the other is seeking their space and distance. Your partner may be going through mental health difficulties such as anxiety or depression and needs to learn how to communicate it with you.

If the couple does not address the issue and work to understand each other’s needs, they are likely to break up. Even worse, it is very common for each to move on and repeat the pattern in later relationships.

Why does the distancer pull away?

In the pursuer-distancer pattern,  the one who withdraws is not usually seeking disconnection from their partner. In many cases people who withdraw want closeness but do not feel or believe it is possible. Past experiences can lead withdrawers to believe once they allow themselves to become vulnerable and close, the other person leaves.

This perception is often developed during childhood. Parents can reject a child displaying intense emotions or need for attention. Children raised by parents who cannot consistently support their child’s need for emotional support often develop an avoidant attachment style. The avoidant attachment style is a coping strategy as the child learns to suppress emotions and self-soothe rather than reach out to those around him or her for comfort.

As a result, most people who distance themselves in relationships need closeness and connection in the same way as their partner does, they simply have a different strategy. Maintaining distance is a way to stay in the relationship.

How can we get help?

If you’ve tried traditional relationship therapy you probably remember being asked to sit on a pricey, comfortable couch and follow your impulse to “talk out” all that anger, frustration, and irritation with your partner, spouse, child, or parent.

Phil DeLuca wants you to stop talking for a while.

That advice may sound counterintuitive, but it’s coming from a man who has saved thousands of relationships from what he calls the “Dead Zone,” that post-prickly, numbed-out point in a relationship when you simply stop caring about your loved one.

That advice is coming from a counselor who studied and employed traditional talk therapy in his own relationships 30 years ago. After filling his wall with degrees, however, Phil started to rebel and develop this revolutionary holistic approach to communication.  With Phil, expect the unexpected – both in your session and in your results.

Change the pursuer-distancer pattern and heal the relationship

In therapy, issues that are keeping you apart can be understood and addressed. In my practice, I help couples learn how to connect again and find a way to understand their own and their partner’s needs.

It is essential to heal the pursuer-distancer pattern and what underlies it. When we understand what is driving our own and our partner’s behavior, it is easier to communicate our feelings and find a way back to each other.

Contact

If you would like to learn more, you are welcome to call and book an appointment or fill out my contact form and click Send.

Our Therapy Process

• Book Appointment

• Therapy Sessions

• Gain Confidence